Becoming who I used to be

2014 was a defining year for who I am now. I felt very confused for years and… when I thought I had it, 2019 hit me even harder.

Becoming who I used to be

I’m a late millennial born in 1996. I turned 18 in 2014. My friends at the time got me in tears when they organized a surprise party for my birthday. I had just completed high school and was glad I made it alive. Although my grades and my reputation were very average, I felt like my teenage life was a disaster (who didn’t?).

In 2014 I got rejected by the person I liked, got my first kiss, and met the first person I loved. In 2014 I enrolled a major I initially didn’t want because my admission score was lower than the one I needed for the major I dreamed about for years. In 2014 I met a lot of new people and stopped talking to many long–time friends, both for better and for worse.

I did not enjoy my university classes at the time, yet I got very good grades with little to no effort. I had lots of free time, which translated into a very productive year to craft design shots for my now deleted dribbble account. I felt like I didn’t fit with my English major classmates, but I also wasn’t admitted into Graphic Design.

I was confused.

The first half of 2019 is now over. I just turned 23. I just obtained my degree on Graphic Design. I just finished my first internship as a Designer.

I now have a lot more spare time than I used to during my university years. I now keep on learning through reading books, listening to podcasts and taking online courses. I now actively try to follow a routine so I can make the most of my days.

I ended the relationship with that girl I loved since 2014. I don’t see the friends I made in university as often as I used to. I decided not to look for a stable job yet.

I am confused.

During those five years, a lot of things happened to me. I saw people in my life come and go. I discovered many activities I like. I loved some aspects about university, and hated others.

Between 2014 and 2019 I learned a whole lot about my major, about relationships and about me. At one point, I even felt like I had it all under control. But then I started realizing how little I know about everything.

Truth is… I still don’t fully understand everything about Design, about having relationships with other people, or about who I am. And I never will. And I don’t have to do that to start living a better life. And that’s the beauty of it all.

I will embrace.


Bonus: Music is the only thing that makes me remember this much about my past. Here I’ll list some of the EPs and albums I enjoyed in 2014 that I still listen to in 2019:


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