Recently, I’ve been feeling surprisingly happy. Though, I wasn’t ready to feel like this at this point in life.
I’ve always been one to make every single question that pops into my mind, both to others and to myself. And, in the past, I’ve been found overwhelmed by the endless interrogation process I put myself in.
By trying to compensate for the knowledge I felt missing from my skill repertoire, I submerged myself into several best-sellers from authors I admire. In an attempt at understanding where I wanted to be, I drafted a path to get to success. And, in my pursuit for happiness, I developed a zero-tolerance protocol in order to get closer to the activities and people that make my life better and get away from those that don’t.
It all sounds great, on paper. And, in a way, it has been. I’ve learned a lot about myself as a human, as a professional and as a friend.
Though, this pragmatic approach to happiness eventually started manifesting its limitations. Every time I found a great source of knowledge, I felt both enlightened by everything I learned by consuming the content and overwhelmed by my ignorance on the topics the author has indisputably mastered. My notes on the life choices I needed to make to get where I wanted to be consist of a never-ending Notion list of things I have not yet accomplished. And, pushing everything I didn’t want away from my life felt more like avoiding commitment than overcoming what held me back.
In hindsight, I can see where I was going… but I wasn’t anticipating to get there this soon.
I still don’t know everything there is to know about Design, Marketing or Business. I still don’t manage my time as efficiently as I’d like to. And I still sometimes cringe a little when looking at myself in the mirror.
Yet, I’ve been feeling surprisingly happy.
I’ve noticed I’m no longer focusing on what I don’t have, but on what I already do. I’ve accepted my flaws and current circumstances as a part of my never-ending journey. I’ve embraced gratitude for everything I’ve accomplished.
I’ve finally allowed happiness into my life.
These past months have made for a great sandbox for introspection. But more importantly, I’m now aware my journey is about me as much as it is about those around. “Happiness is only real when shared,” some say.
I know new challenges will keep on getting in the way. I know there are situations yet to be solved, both in my head and in the world. I know this is just what happiness looks like for me as of August 2019.
But now I’m just excited about everything that’s yet to come. I somehow embraced my way into success. And that’s all I could ever ask for.